One Wild New Year's Eve
by Relatively Unknown
Summary: Lance, Ace, and Pietro destroy the X-Mansion and have a whole lotta fun w/X-Freaks. Long one-shot thing, but worth the read. PLZ OH PLZ OH PLZ REVIEW!!!!!!!


A/N: Nobody seems to review these stories, except Becs. Why? I know I ain't no master at humor like Becs or Red Witch, but jeez ppl, I'm not that bad am I? I know these stories are far and few between, but if ya'll would review more, then maybe I might write more! Plz? (dresses like a beggar and gets down on her knees) PLZ?! ::Lance:: You are so pathetic sometimes. ::Me:: Oh shut up.  
  
  
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"I can't believe that it's New Year's Eve, and we ain't out partying!" Lance complained.   
  
  
"Remember that last party we went to back in October? I don't got no money for bail." I told him.  
  
  
"Fine, we just won't bring Pietro."  
  
  
"Oh no ya don't! I'm a-comin' whether ya like it or not!" Pietro zipped into the room and leaned against the wall. I was at my computer, which was had just froze, again, and Lance was sprawled out on the couch. Again.  
  
  
"I don't think so! I still have nightmares about you stripping." I pretended to be agony. Wait. Who said I was pretending?  
  
  
"Ya mean sweet dreams, don't ya?" He said, raising his eyebrows. I gagged myself.  
  
  
"But seriously, tho', we ain't gonna sit around here all night." Lance said. Then he smiled. Uh oh. "How about we go and make our own party?"  
  
  
"And just what did ya have in mind?" I asked, giving up on my computer.  
  
  
"Well, no doubt the X-Freaks are up to somethin'. Besides, what's the point of New Year's Eve if can't get plastered?" Pietro nodded his head in agreement. Oh boy, here we go.   
  
  
"True. But let's not limit our night to those dorks. C'mon, let's get a little wild." Pietro was getting into this. I was doomed.  
  
  
"Oh, ya mean more so than usual?" I said sarcastically. They just grinned. I couldn't help myself. So did I.  
  
  
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LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
  
"Check list ready?" Pietro asked. I nodded. "Okay, here we go: Toliet paper."  
  
  
"Check."  
  
  
"Silly string?"  
  
  
"Check."  
  
  
"Four buckets of slime from Todd?"  
  
  
"Check."  
  
  
"Spray paint?"  
  
  
"Check."  
  
  
"Super glue?"  
  
  
"Check. Three packs in fact."  
  
  
"Hmm. Good. Cherry bombs?"  
  
  
"From my private collection."  
  
  
"Chicken feathers?"  
  
  
"In neon."  
  
  
"Blue, green, and orange permanent hair dye?"  
  
  
"Check, check, and check."  
  
  
"Twine?"  
  
  
"Enough to go around the world a couple of times."  
  
  
"Eggs?"  
  
  
"Four dozen."  
  
  
"I feel like we're missing something." He said. He glanced over the boxes that were piled in my apartment. Lance bolted in and slammed the door shut. He was smirking.  
  
  
"Didja get 'em?" I asked. The smirk was even bigger. "Good."  
  
  
"Get what?" Pietro asked. Lance showed him a box he was holding.   
  
  
"We got dynamite, roman candles, whistling witches, couple of buzzers, and regular ones. Oh, I got a special order, too, but ya'll will have to wait for that." He winked.   
  
  
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Pietro asked. He wanted to get his hands on the roman candles, I knew. Heh heh, so did I.  
  
  
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"Ready?" I asked my fellow comrades, standing in the main hall of the X-Freak's mansion. Pietro had taken two trips and zoomed us in, so the alarms didn't go off. In each hand we had something to torment them. They nodded. "On 3. 1.... 2..... 3!" I yelled in a loud whisper.   
  
  
We rushed off to different corners to set traps and just plain destroy. I couldn't wait til they got home. (They all had left to go somewhere. And luck was with us-- Wolverine/Logan wasn't home. He had gone on one of his trips to who knows where.) I attacked the bathrooms, dumping out the shampoo and putting the hair dye in. I realized that there was one left over. So I scrounged around in the hall closet and found some floor wax. I pity the fool who uses this! (Lil' bit of Mr. T for ya!)  
  
  
Pietro finished up in record time in the boys bedrooms. Lance was a little longer in the girls, so we decided to investigate. We found him in Kitty's room, flashlight in his mouth, digging through her drawers.   
  
  
"What are ya doin'?" I asked. He looked up and blinded us with the flashlight. He quickly took it out of his mouth.   
  
  
"Sorry. Hey Pietro, catch!" He threw something at him. Pietro held it up and inspected it with his penlight.  
  
  
"Oooo...." Pietro said, eyes widening at the lacy bra that Lance had thrown. "This could be useful."  
  
  
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I also got Jean's. I think I should hang it in Summer's locker."   
  
  
"I got a better idea." I said. They looked at me. "I'll tell later, we got to finish up. Grab some more bras and a couple of panties why you're at it. C'mon, we got set up the slime in cueball's room."  
  
  
  
I don't know why I refer to the Professor as cueball. One of my quirks I guess. We lugged the buckets of slime to his room and set them up on the door and above his bed frame. It was just so that he couldn't see it. We were good. And of course, the bucket of neon chicken feathers was also hidden. Then came the super glue. We glued all the plates together and the chairs to the floor. And managed not to glue ourselves to something.   
  
  
"Time for some TP, silly string, and spray paint." Lance said, shaking up a can of turquoise. "I get Summer's car."  
  
  
"X-Van!" I said. Pietro pouted. Then brightened.   
  
  
"Doesn't Logan have TWO motorcycles?" He asked. Lance and I glanced at each other then back to him.  
  
  
"No." We said at the same time.  
  
  
"Ah, c'mon." He persuaded.  
  
  
"I wonder Pietro-shish-ka-bobs taste like chicken." I asked Lance. He shrugged. Pietro seemed to get my drift.  
  
  
"I'll help you with the X-Van." He said.  
  
  
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"I can't believe we have to wait for them to come!" Pietro whined. Waiting was not one of his virtues. And neither was it one of mine.  
  
  
"Don't worry, I came prepared." I said. I showed them my duffel full of mini-cameras. "They each have a mini recorder that can be started with a remote control. They tape twelve hours straight."  
  
  
"How'd did ya fit a tape in there?" Lance asked.  
  
  
"I didn't. Ya hook them up to the computer. Which, in turn, I can tape on to VHS." I said proudly. See? Tech school pays in it's own way.  
  
  
"Not bad. I think even they would be impressed." Pietro said. "We better hurry, it's almost midnight and they'll probably come back soon after."  
  
  
We set up the cameras in various parts of the mansion. The main hall, the kitchen, the garage, the hallways, and they insisted on the bathrooms. Perverted, ain't they? Anyway, we had no sooner finished when they came in on one of their many vehicles. The kids that is. Cueball arrived about ten minutes later. Apparently, the kids had forgot their house keys and were waiting on him. We hid out in a meadow not far from the mansion. I finished setting up the roman candles and other things. (The cherry bombs, we decided, could wait for their lockers.) As soon as they all approached the door (Lance was posted there, with a walkie-talkie.) I set them off and Pietro and I flew back to where he was to watch the display.  
  
  
To our dismay, the X-Freaks thought it was funny. I glared at them from a distance. Lance told me just to wait. The special order one he had was last. So I looked up to the sky. Finally it was about time for it, when words began appearing. I fell over laughing when I saw it. 'Happy New Year's from The Brotherhood!" It said. The X-Freaks seemed to become a little uneasy about that. We sped away to party.  
  
  
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LATER AT A CLUB  
  
  
"Ya know, how are we supposed to get those cameras back?" Lance asked me. I looked over at Pietro who was enjoying his fifth bottle of Jack Daniels.  
  
  
"I get them." He said. Amazingly, he wasn't completely drunk. Yet.  
  
  
"Should I be afraid?" Lance muttered.  
  
  
"Nah, we're gonna do it tomorrow afternoon. They ain't gonna be there. They're going to a after New Year's party." I said, my words slurring slightly.  
  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
  
"I saw it wrote down in Cueball's agenda thingy." I said, then began laughing. It was contagious. Soon we were all laughing our heads off. "Think we should go home?"  
  
  
"Yeah, I guess we're gonna need sleep for getting the cameras." Lance said. "Wait. They might not go cuz of all we did. And what about the hair dye?"  
  
  
"Slow acting. Takes a day or two to show up. And they'll just take the same cars they used last night. They have no reason to use the X-Van or Scott's car."  
  
  
"True." He said. Pietro was now passed out on the table. "Help me with him."  
  
  
Don't worry, we didn't drive. The club was about a ten minute walk, or in our case a twenty minute stumble, from my apartment. When we reached there we just went to sleep where we fell.   
  
  
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We successfully got the cameras, ALL of them. Perhaps I should back up and tell ya how we woke up the next morning. Somehow, Pietro ended up curled up on the floor, and I was using him as a pillow. And Lance was leaning against me, so when I woke up and moved, his head hit the floor. That's how he woke up. He whacked Pietro in the head, because he thought it was him, and not me, who did it. So that how Pietro woke up. We ended up in fit of giggles.  
  
  
Anyway, jump back to after we got the cameras. I had marked them, A-Z, and had marked where they were. So let's just say that was a very interesting afternoon. Lance thought it was especially funny that Scott sang in the shower. And, of all things, "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher. And yes, he used the hair dye. I think it was the blue one. Yeah, cuz Kitty used the green one, Storm got the red one, and Jean got the floor wax. Which especially interesting because her's showed up immediately. She was wearing a hat when she came down stairs. (Remember, I had cameras in the main hall.)  
  
  
Anyway, we chose our favorite parts and I put them together on a VHS tape that we was gonna leave on their doorstep. The next day, everyone went back to school, so I figured I should tell Pietro and Lance my idea for the bras and panties. Lance had done good. He had even gotten some of Storm's. They loved it. You will too. Just wait and see.  
  
  
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NEXT DAY @ SCHOOL  
  
  
We had gotten there very early, and I registered at the office as Lance's cousin who was visiting him at school for a day. They fell for it. Idiots. Didn't they know that Lance was from a foster home? It would be on his record. Just proves that school is run by a bunch of stupid people who couldn't get another job. (A/N: At least that's what the teachers at my school say.)  
  
  
After that, I went out front to.. uh... well you'll see. Lance, Pietro, and myself leaned against the wall to wait for them to show up. And that they did, Scott, Jean, and Kitty wearing hats. I whistled to get their attention. They glared at us, and Scott started to advance, but Jean held him back.  
  
  
"Hey Jean, look up, look down, look all around, your bras hanging down! Or should I say up?" I said, pointing to the flag pole. "It's best that you look too, Kitty."  
  
  
They glanced up, their eyes wide. There, with a small flag saying Jean Grey and Kitty Pryde, were their bras and panties flapping in the wind. I whipped out a camera and took pictures of Jean and Kitty, and of the flag pole. Perfect for blackmail, or selling to the jocks. Or to Scott, who was eyeing Jean with new interest. Kurt and Evan were laughing there heads off, and receiving glares from Kitty.  
  
  
"Hey Pietro, how come ya didn't do anything to Daniels?" I asked, as we walked inside.   
  
  
"I did. He had gym today, and let's just say his clothes have been doused with itching powder. Not to mention his jock strap." He said. Lance winced, but laughed.   
  
  
"I wanna be there for that." I said.   
  
  
"Me too. I have study hall, which I can skip." He said. We stood in the hall, waiting for the first bell to ring. The X-Freaks stormed into the indoor cafeteria, and stood around with the other preppies, also waiting for the bell to ring. Lance got an idea, and stopped Principal Kelly as he was walking by. "Excuse me sir, but I thought hats were not allowed indoors."  
  
  
He pointed to the X-Freaks. Kelly walked over and demanded that they take their hats off. They truly seemed petrified. I readied my camera, as Kelly threatened them with suspension. Slowly, the took off their hats. Scott's hair was a neon blue, and was sticking out in every direction because of his ballcap. Jean's hair was cut short, the floor wax making in clump up in weird places. And finally Kitty's hair was neon green, and long, which made it stand out even more. I snapped about six pictures.  
  
  
All day long I took pictures (I had three rolls of film with me.) and we all tortured the X-Freaks. Ya may think that we skipped Kurt. Nah, just saving some of the best for last. We put two cherry bombs in his locker, which exploded in his face, and in front of at least three teachers. We had put the tell tale lighter and box in his bookbag when he wasn't looking, so he got blamed immediately. Lunch time was a blast. Todd was there, and although we don't get along, he thought it was hilarious about what we did with his slime. I promised to make him a copy of the tape.   
  
  
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THAT NIGHT @ THE X-FREAK'S MANSION  
  
  
"What's this?" Scott asked, picking up a brown package on their doorstep.  
  
  
"Better not open it, who knows what they did to it." Evan said, who was still itching.  
  
  
"Ja, it could be more of those cherry bombs." Kurt agreed.  
  
  
"Nah, they ain't that sophisticated." Scott decided. They walked in, and after dumping their bookbags, he opened it. "It's tape. It says 'Watch Me'."  
  
  
"Then put it in the VCR." Jean said. Everyone gathered around the TV. To their disgust, we appeared on it.  
  
  
"Hey, Hey, Hey!" Lance said, imitating Fat Albert.   
  
  
"It me, it's me, the fabulous Pietro." Pietro said, pushing Lance out of his seat. I in turn pushed him out.   
  
  
"And of course we cannot forget the mastermind Ace." I said. "Get over here you two!" I yelled at them who were fighting over the chair. They obeyed, surprisingly.  
  
  
"To your ignorance, we also set up some mini cameras in your mansion. They looked like this." I held one up. "Now, today, which by the time you get this, it'll be yesterday, while you were away, we took the cameras back. Now, there's a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo I could tell ya, but let's get to the point. After hooking the cameras up to my computer and watching the what they had taped, we decided to put this tape together for your viewing pleasure."  
  
  
"Let's just say, that although Ace here wouldn't put it in the tape, you look even hotter in the shower Kitty." Lance said. Kitty's eyes bugged out of her head.   
  
  
"Oh, hey Daniels, looks like I beat ya in another challenge." Pietro grabbed himself. Evan was lucky he was black, or else a very dark shade of red would be showing. (He would match his Auntie O's hair!)  
  
  
"Thanks for the mental image Pietro." I told him. "Oh, and it doesn't matter if ya destroy this tape. Because ya see, I got about ten copies which I'm willing to sell. To whoever asks for them first. Now, one with the show!"  
  
  
Unbeknownst to the others, Cueball and Storm was watching over their shoulder. Storm was wearing a hat. She also stood a good distance away from Cueball, who still stank from the slime.  
  
  
The scenes were disturbing and hilarious. (A/N: I better not go into detail, or else someone's gonna sue me. Not that they'd get much. 2 cents and a beat up stereo that plays 96.7 WQCM while I type. Which would explain my stories. Thanx John Boy and Billy!)   
  
  
After the show, and after Evan took the tape out and spiked it a couple of times, they finally noticed Storm and Cueball.   
  
  
"And you want them to join us?!" Scott yelled at him.  
  
  
"Perhaps I should leave them to Magnus." Cueball said.  
  
  
"Yeah, it would be fitting that a psycho had psycho followers." Storm said sarcastically.  
  
  
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THINK THAT'S THE END? NAH.....  
  
  
"We did good." Pietro said. We were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, playing cards.  
  
  
"Yeah, we are the Masters." I said.  
  
  
"Masters? Hell, we're the Kings! Oh, and uh Queen." He corrected. I didn't mind. I'm not a feminist or anything. It was then that a knock came to the door. "Who's that?"  
  
  
"Dunno. Ain't expecting nobody." I went over and looked out the eyehole. I didn't see anything. Course, that could be because it's broke. I opened the door, and there stood the last person I ever expected. Logan. "Uh.... hi."  
  
  
"You Ace?" He asked. I swallowed hard.   
  
  
"Uh... heh... yeah?" I said, bravely.  
  
  
"Then you're responsible for all the trouble at the mansion." He said. I swallowed again. "I just came here to say.... Good job!"  
  
  
"Say what?" I said.   
  
  
"Ya gonna invite me in or not?" He asked. I moved away and let him in. I looked back but Lance and Pietro were gone. "Who were ya playin' card with?"  
  
  
"Oh, uh....." I didn't get a chance to answer, because Pietro and Lance appeared out of the spare room, Pietro wearing a knight's armor, and Lance in army fatigue.  
  
  
"You're not gonna take us alive!" Pietro screamed. He held up a water gun that looked like a real Uzi. Lance was hold twin water gun Magnums. Logan's hands went up, shock on his face.  
  
  
"Guys, it's okay. I think." I glanced at Logan, who was slowly backing up. "Yeah, it's okay, put the water guns down."  
  
  
"Water guns?!" Logan said, even more shocked. I nodded. He put his hands down and growled lightly.  
  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Run for the hills!" Lance screamed. They hot-footed it back to the spare room. By the clang I heard, they were locking themselves in Pietro's cage.  
  
  
"How do you put up with them?" He asked.  
  
  
"Lots and lots of Tylenol." I told. "Cards?" I gestured to them on the floor.   
  
  
"Sure. Know how to play Rummy?" He asked, as I picked the cards up and took them out to the kitchen table.  
  
  
"Of course. Coffee?" He nodded and I fixed us some. A strange ending to a strange holiday.  
  
  
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THE END? YEAH RIGHT. IN THE CAGE....  
  
  
"Whew, that was close. Wonder how long Ace will last?" Lance asked. There was no answer. He turned around and whimpered. Pietro had found a stash of candy bars. "HELP!!!"   
  
  
"Don't bother Lance, there's no hope now! I threw the keys out the window!" Pietro said, stuffing his face.  
  
  
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YES, THIS IS THE END. HAPPY?!?!?! 


End file.
